Dating in Your Circle

Me and my homies (as well as a lot of other homies out there across the world) have a code known as the 'Homies Code.' There are many variations but this one pertains to the rule that Thou Shall Not Date a homie's ex. These type of things are more prevalent in co-ed circles of friends. Everybody knows each other because they spend so much time with each other. Of course in this game of love and war, someone has to be attractive to another person in the circle and that alone causes complications as well. He's jocking her. She is whatever. He makes the move. They get together. First on the low, then made public. He got caught slippin. She gets sad. People take sides. She goes for the other guy. It goes on and on, but in relationships that started with people in the same circle, something very important is forgotten - the idea that it should only be between the two people, and that includes the drama between them as well.

The minute that a third person gets directly involved, thats when the circle gets disrupted. Gossip gets passed around like a joint, everybody gonna take a hit and rumors get started. Unfortunately, this is to be expected. Does that make dating in your circle wrong? Not really. Why? Because it is not the circle that makes the relationship, but the commitment and devotion that the two people have for each other that got them together in the first place. Your friends could be the support circle as much as they could also be the lynch mob. As Akon sings, people should respect boundaries. As much as we feel much grief when someone in the relationship is heartbroken, we also must come to terms with the fact that they also make the final decision to go on with or leave the relationship.

Now going back to the homies code, lets put this scenario. Guy #1 and Gal #1 broke up. Then Gal #2 steps up to replace Gal #1 for Guy #1. What now? There are always exceptions to the rule. Frankly, for a person like me, I am a firm believer of no rules, but everyone must accept responsibility for their actions. Gal #2 better know what she is getting herself into, including the possibility of scarring a friendship with Gal #1 and other friends in the circle. The same goes for Guy #1. Even if there is no drama, people will be talking, but as long as Guy #1 and Gal #2 put their relationship as the first priority, even in front of the circle, they should be fine, and everybody gotta mind their own business. While there are different conditions for the matter, the result is always the same and if the situations are truly fucked up, then leave the rest to karma.

Friends should have each other's back but lets face it -when feelings are involved, everybody gets caught in the middle. This is why a lot of people date outside their circle, but that is a lot more difficult because you'd have to do a long process of filtering and getting to know a stranger. Dating in this city of Angels especially, you have to play the game which is known to burnt those who lost from it. The circle on the other hand halves the time used for someone getting to know another since they're friends already.

Everybody in a circle has at least one crush within and unfortunately with people like me, I have a lot of attractive female friends whom I share good chemistry with (I know I'd be dead if I said I'm tight with fat and ugly people; lol) Fortunately this city is huge and being blessed with having multiple circles of friends ease the tensions and fears of falling for the wrong friend. In a perfect world, I can be like Hugh Hefner and Dennis Hof and have a different soulmate when the season changes but ultimately there will be that "one." She doesn't necesarrily have to be in my circle, but ALL my circles will have to approve of her. ;-)